Saturday 28 June 2014

What legacy will I leave??

I have gone from victim 
to survivor
I'm now a becoming a thriver
But how amazing would it be to inspirer 
as an influencer!

What legacy will I leave on this earth?

Hopefully my children will grow into two forfilled, happy adults with love in their lives. But what if I can leave more than that? What if I can leave my mark on this earth as someone who supported others, who helped to change that taboo that goes with people that have been victims of abuse.

How amazing would that be....

Life's a nine

When I first saw the lovely Kath at the Happiness Foundation, she ask me to place myself between 1 and 10, (1 being lowest) and I placed myself at 3, which is pretty sad. 

I saw her again yesterday and I placed my self on a 7, then was asked what is stopping my life from being a 9 (I think a 10 is an unecessary high ie winning the lottery,etc). Then it dawned on me, there is no longer any environmental factors holding me back from happiness. The only thing holding me back was my own negativity towards myself!

To put it into perspective I (as most people who read my blogs know) have 2 amazing happy healthy children, I have a husband who loves ME, I have a good job, a lovely house, I'm in a safe, loving environment. The only thing that was making my life a 7 rather than a 9 was that I feel ugly and worry about what people think of me. How ridiculous is that!? I am holding myself back from contentment and happiness because I want to be slimmer and prettier! 

I then made the desision to take myself to a 9, I will not let negative feelings about my appearance hold me back anymore, I'm well aware that I will have wobbles and bad days, but I won't let it dominate me.

Tuesday 17 June 2014

Magazine Article


A press agency approached me to do a write up on my story, following the sentencing. My first reaction was no, as I wouldn’t want my neighbours etc knowing what had happened to me, but then I realised what a terrible contradiction it was.

I have been talking about and promoting other survivors not to be ashamed and come forward as they had not done anything wrong! How easy it was to say that anonymously from behind a computer screen in the comfort of my own home but when asked to be photographed, named and published, I was not so comfortable.

I asked some of my lovely fellow survivors on twitter what their opinion was, and had a good think about it. I made the decision, that I have talked the talk and now was time to walk the walk. I want to inspire others to come forward and learn to be happy with themselves and free from their past trauma, the way to do this is lead by example.

My story will firstly in Pick Me Up magazine on 10th July, then in another magazine after that. I will share the link when it comes out.

Monday 9 June 2014

What do I like???

Possibly as a result of my survival instinct that I developed form an early age, I don't know what I like.

Music, I don't have a type of music I listen too, I will listen too whatever music my company want too. But alone would i put in that radio station? Probably not.

Food, I will eat just about any type of food, if in a social situation i am far more happy to eat what type of food the other people want. I'm happy to eat anything. Would I have picked to go to a fish restaurant with that group? and would i have chosen to go to that American diner with them? Probably no, as I'm not keen on fish and burgers..... 

Travel, on journeys in the car with my mum, I sit in the back as she doesn't like sitting in the back, I will do it without hesitation, but actually I travelled with morning sickness and sciatica, in the back of a car for 6 hours when pregnant with my son. Rather than just sitting in the back of the car with out hesitation, maybe I should have said actually its less comfortable for ME?
My husband doesn't like sitting backwards on a train and prefers to sit near the window so of course i sit in the seat that he doesn't, once again without hesitation because I'm more happy being uncomfortable and not making a fuss that feeling like the other person is uncomfortable. But truth be known I much prefer sitting near the window.

I have changed my hair colour and fashion sence in the past it fit in with what my previous partner wanted!

This is not the fault of others, it's that I feel much happier knowing that someone else is happy than satisfying my own needs.

Is it that I have no opinions, preferences or tastes or my own?? Or is it that I have learnt to comply and not form my own opinions as it is easier?? Because recently I have been analysing my likes and dislikes, and I do have preference that I have developed not because its what I think I should do/have to please other but because its what I LIKE.

Sunday 1 June 2014

Value yourself

I have been thinking a lot about my future and how wonderful it would be to help people who's lives have been devistated by abuse.

I'm only 18 months in to my recovering/healing so I still have a long way to go but the progress, happiness and growth I have made is just life changing. 

There are lots of different aspects of my healing some by others, some by myself, some big, some small.

I know how it feels to feel worthless and I know how it feels to feel valued. I now value myself and I was my biggest critic!

What I say is credible and I know I could help others value themselves too.